


Side B

by Asuka Kureru (Askerian)



Series: Covalent Bonds [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog, mentions of street harrassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 08:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/822410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askerian/pseuds/Asuka%20Kureru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1.<br/><span class="SOLLUX">TA: gue22 what ii found. </span><br/><span class="NEPETA">AC: :33 < tg-or-boy-tt's hive? *ac guesses*</span><br/><span class="KARKAT">CG: IT HAD BETTER BE A DOUCHE IN SHADES. </span><br/><span class="SOLLUX">TA: iit'2 ... </span><br/><span class="SOLLUX">TA: iiiiiit'2 ...... </span><br/><span class="SOLLUX">TA: two douche2 iin 2hade2. </span><br/>--<br/>2.<br/><span class="JOHN">EB: vriska</span><br/><span class="VRISKA">AG: Wow!</span><br/><span class="VRISKA">AG: Do my eyes deceive me? The great John Eg8ert, lowering himself to talking to a 8ig not-nice meanie like me?</span><br/><span class="VRISKA">AG: … W8. How are you even contacting me right now, I thought we were out of the game!!!!!!!!</span><br/><span class="VRISKA">AG: Is this another FRIGGING DREAM8U88LE??? RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!</span><br/>--<br/>Meanwhile, on the internet. Takes place during Covalent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] is no longer idle! --

TA: gue22 what ii found.   
AC: :33 < tg-or-boy-tt's hive? *ac guesses*  
CG: IT HAD BETTER BE A DOUCHE IN SHADES.   
TA: iit'2 ...   
TA: iiiiiit'2 ......   
TA: two douche2 iin 2hade2.   
AC: :33 < lucky!   
CG: YOU INCLUDED OR...?   
TA: har har har, kk.   
TA: ran iintwo dv on the 2treet, he'd 2een dr'2 hiive two. met a few block2 off iit.   
CC: 38D A)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a. Conc)(gratulations!   
AC: :33 < mew? *the kitty says confused* conscratchulations about what? *she asks scratching her head*  
TA: yeah thank2 ff, all ii wanted for twelfth periigee'2 eve.   
TA: the good new2 ii2 they're *defiiniitely* each other'2 crew.   
TA: the bad new2 ii2 2o am ii.   
CG: HOW TERRIBLE. I FULLY SYMPATHIZE WITH THE IMMENSE TRAUMATISM OF HAVING AN OBNOXIOUS NOOK PIMPLE IN STUPID EYEWEAR AND A REGRETTABLY BIASED APPRECIATION OF HIS OWN VOICE AS A HATEFRIEND.   
CG: HOW WELL DO I KNOW THIS TERRIBLE PAIN.   
TA: bluh bluh 2hut up. anyway we're all three 2afely at dr'2 atm and...   
TA: ii am wiitne22iing the mo2t *pornographiic* cuddle2hoo2h *ever* we're talkiing mutual no2e iin neck and everythiing   
TA: almo2t enough two get me all flu2tered, iiyaan  
AC: :33 < *ac's gaze sharpens and she stalks through the bushes, nostrils flaring to catch the scent of her prey*  
AC: :33 < *in her clawed paw is held THE PALE CRAYON!!*   
CC: I t)(oug)(t for )(umans it was more of a genetic close matc)( t)(ing? Maybe as an adaptation to kelp t)(e spread of t)(eir genome, it wouldn't kelp if t)(ey krilled eac)( otter rig)(t and left, rig)(t?   
AC: :33 < aw, you're taking all the fun out of it. :(( *ac regretfully lowers her crayon hand*  
TA: huh, dv'2 purriing  
AC: :33 < :DD !!!!   
TA: 2omeone 2ave me.   
CG: CHERUBFUCK ON A CELESTIAL POGO STICK. WILL YOU FUCKING LAY OFF THE SALACIOUS LIVEBLOGGING ALREADY.   
CG: WE GET IT, THEY'RE ABOUT TO SWOON INTO THE CLOSEST PILE AND TENDERLY TAKE OFF EACH OTHER'S SHADES. NOW STOP VIOLATING THEIR PRIVACY AND THE SANCTITY OF OUR THINKPANS BEFORE I VOMIT MINE OUT.   
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a 3XD T)(eir s)(ades, you say?   
AC: :33 < *cc is right, ac can't help but notice that cg has VISUALIZED it*  
TA: you got a fanta2y you wanted to talk to u2 about, kk ?   
TA: iif 2o plea2e don't.   
CG: I HATE ALL OF YOU IN AN ENTIRELY PAIL-FREE WAY.   
AC: :33 < okay that's furry depurrved.   
CC: I conc)(curr. 38O  
TA: le ga2p  
CG: NOT THAT W OH YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST SHUT UP. BREAK THEM UP, ASK THEM FOR A STATUS REPORT, GET THEM THE FUCK ONLINE. CHOP CHOP.   
TA: aww you'd want me two iinterrupt 2uch a 2weet dii2play, you heartle22 mon2ter  
TA: dr ju2t vowed two hunt down and murder the creeper that dared two profane dv'2 iinnocent tu2h, 2ubvocal 2narl and all  
AC: :33 < X333333333  
CG: WAIT, SOMEONE DID *WHAT* TO DAVE.   
TA: ...   
TA: none of your bu2iine22 and iit'2 handled.   
TA: dv'2 ru2t ii2 all.   
TA: and liive2 iin my town  
TA: creeper2 happen.   
AC: :33 < DD:   
CC: You mean t)(at t)(ere really ARE people like t)(at out t)(ere??? I thoug)(t it was anc)(omovie t)(ing!!   
TA: ...   
CG: ...   
TA: ff honey you liive iin the miiddle of bumfuck nowhere, where would you even *meet* creep2  
CG: LET US NOT MENTION THE GILLS EITHER, EVEN IF YOU WENT AROUND HEMOANONYMOUS. WHO THE FUCK WOULD GROPE A SEA TROLL.   
CG: APART FROM SOMEONE WHOSE ONLY POSSIBLE PATH TO FAME WOULD BE TO GET THEIR UGLY MUG ON BEST 50 MESSY DEATHS OF THE SWEEP.   
AC: :33 < :((   
CG: IT'S NOT THAT BAD, I'M SURE HE'S FINE. DON'T YOU DARE KEEP UP THE SAD MEOWBEAST EYES.   
TA: yeah ii agree. ju2t  
TA: could you guy2 pretend ii diidn't tell you, ii'm pretty 2ure he won't liike knowiing we go22iipped about iit.   
CC: Alrig)(t, I promise.   
AC: :33 < purromise too. i won't tell. cross my heart and hope to die. *the huntress says furry seriously*  
TA: gonna era2e that part of the log2, brb  
CG: WELL. WHO'S STILL MISSING? APART FROM JOHN DOUCHEWAGON EGBERT. ANYONE SEEN KANAYA?   
CC: Yea)(, s)(e was online six )(ours ago. Pretty swamped in undead, but it's not like s)(e wouldn't go straig)(t back to rainbow drinkerhood if s)(e died again.   
CG: MAYBE SHE WOULDN'T, ACTUALLY. WHAT IF IT WAS A FUNCTION OF THE GAME, LIKE SYLLADEXES AND STRIFE SPECIBI, AND NOW THAT THE GAME IS OVER IT'LL STOP WORKING?   
AC: :33 < im furry sure rainbow drinkers have nothing to do with games and purrograms and technology stuff, and efurrything to do with very fleshy gut and nerves purrasites :XX  
CG: ... OH URGH.   
CG: YOU SURE?   
AC: :// < there are still zombies prowling outside and it's kind of the same thing so... 

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] joined the memo! --

CG: OKAY, GOOD, KANAYA BOUGHT HERSELF YET ANOTHER EXTRA LIFE SOMEHOW. SOME PEOPLE HOARD ALL THE LUCK, I SWEAR.   
GG: hi guys!!!! any news? :D  
CG: HARLEY. STILL ALIVE SINCE YESTERDAY, I SEE.   
AC: :33 < gg !! *the huntress yowls in gr33ting* it's nice to s33 you!   
GG: *the she-wolf trots up to the cat and licks her nose in greeting* :)   
AC: :33 < h33 h33  
CG: OH PLEASE, SPARE ME THE SACCHARINE PREDATORBEASTS. I HAVE A PRETEND-ROLLED UP NEWSPAPER AND A SPRAY WATER BOTTLE AND I WILL PRETEND-USE THEM.   
CG: ... WHAT HAVE I BEEN REDUCED TO.   
GG: dont make me pretend pee on your leg, mister grumpypants  
GG: hi feferi, hi sollux! :D so did anyone else get online while i was sleeping???   
TA: rx fiinally found a 2teady 2iignal, we're triiangulatiing two get her locatiion, and ii'm 2tandiing liiterally fiive 2tep2 away from dr and dv atm  
GG: OH MY GOD DAVE IS HERE???   
GG: WHY IS HE NOT ONLINE?!! GET HIM THE FUCK ONLINE TWO MINUTES AGO, CAPTOR!!!!   
TA: we're kiinda bu2y iirl riight now  
GG: oh gee let me rephrase!!!!   
GG: GET HIM THE FUCK ONLINE *NOW* BEFORE I TELEPORT TO WHERE YOU GUYS ARE AND STRANGLE HIM.   
GG: i will totally strangle you next, dont try me!!!   
CG: ...   
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a 3XD  
TA: ... ye2 ma'am.   
TA: p2 don't try two teleport two where we are that ii2 a really biig number of miile2 and al2o you wiill diie, ii'm 2eriiou2.   
TA: no one know2 p2ychiic burnout liike ii do and you would explode your thiinkpan guaranteed  
GG: ill give it another minute. >:/   
CC: S)(oos)(, s)(oos)(, )(e's safe now. Just a little more patience, Jade!   
GG: ... mnrgh. okay fine.   
AC: :33 < :333333333  
GG: if the huntress goes to update her wall the wolfess will hunt her down to bite her *right on the rump*!  
AC: :33 < :OO  
CC: 38O < 3:OO  
GG: crap! that wasnt blackflirting. no making shocked faces!! it was not blackflirting at ALL. 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] joined memo! --  
\-- timaeusTestified [TT] joined memo! --

TG: sure it wasnt harley  
TG: suuuuuuuuure it wasnt  
GG: dave!!! :DDDDDDDDDD youre okay!!!!   
TG: all that belief infusing my body im about to barf communion wine no wait nvm thats from the hookers from last nights party  
GG: and dirk, hi dirk!!!!   
TT: Nice to see how I rate. Hey, Jade.   
GG: :pppp  
GG: im so glad to see you guys you have no idea!!!   
GG: now go back out of the room and when you come back in, pretend you did not read that. :X


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... this ficlet is THREE YEARS old oh my god. i was so lazy about posting it and i have no idea why.
> 
> Anonymous asked: Hmm. How about the first conversation between John and Vriska after they turned up on Alternia?
> 
> I edited the karkat/John scene from Covalent a bit because this retcons some things about how John sees Vriska but i have no idea if i got everything. ugh. oh well.

– ectoBiologist [EB] started trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] –

EB: vriska  
AG: Wow!  
AG: Do my eyes deceive me? The great John Eg8ert, lowering himself to talking to a 8ig not-nice meanie like me?  
AG: ... W8. How are you even contacting me right now, I thought we were out of the game!!!!!!!!  
AG: Is this another FRIGGING DREAM8U88LE??? RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!  
EB: iss taht you  
EB: in the canyon  
EB: house  
EB: it loks lik your house  
AG: What the heck is wrong with your typing a8ility?  
AG: Are you *high*?  
EB: claws  
EB: getting in thenway  
EB: ive got caws Vriska  
EB: cLaws  
EB: ivegot claws and thgiugn  
EB: rhings  
EB: things  
EB: its my housebuut not my house and i think i have hornsn?  
EB: everything echoes weird  
EB: the leters on the screen areweird  
AG: Are you a troll?!  
AG: Huh, that’s.  
AG: Unexpected.  
AG: Not a 8ig deal though. You’ll get the hang of your newly superior 8eing in a minute. Unless you’re reaaaaaaaally lame.  
AG: Is the video feature of the memos still working? I can’t find the option on mine. Or are you actually outside??  
AG: Holy shit, where did that new hive come from? Is that you? John?  
AG: Okay, I see someone waving. That had 8ETTER 8e you.  
EB: howdy neighbor.  
AG: ...  
AG: John, who 8lew a chunk out of your wall?  
EB: i think i did?  
EB: but not like with the breath i think  
EB: i pushed with my head i think and then splat. welp.  
EB: i was drowning in snot!! urgh  
EB: andnhaveing really fucked up dreams where i  
EB: killed my friends  
AG: Well, if you’re a troll now, what else would you expect?  
AG: What color are you?  
AG: JOOOOOOOOHN.  
EB: my eyes are blueish  
AG: Well then. The higher on the spectrum, the more violent the dreams. Everyone knows that. What do you expect me to do about it?  
EB: i don’t know  
EB: nothng i guess  
EB: i’m just  
EB: you’re nearby and i guess equius also is but i don’t know him at all  
EB: and i want to see someone but at the same time i really don’t  
EB: so  
EB: i guess it’s cool knowing you’re nearby but not coming over  
EB: where i could  
EB: i don’t know what i could do to you but i  
EB: can’t forget the dreams  
AG: ........  
AG: Right.  
AG: I’m coming over.  
EB: NO!  
AG: Why not? Do you think I’m going to use your stupid freak out to sta8 you in the 8ack?! Like I would need you that impaired if I really wanted to get rid of you!!  
AG: 8ut I guess thank you for making clear exactly how low you think I am, wow. Here I am, 8eing the 8igger person, coming to check on you out of pure selfless generosity, and you will once again throw it 8ack into my face.  
EB: ok, no.  
EB: you werent th victim last time, all those people you got killed were.  
EB: it wasn’t me being unreasonable, it was you thinking that not agreeing blindly was betraying you!  
EB: you betrayed my expectations first, vriska, i thought you were cool and awesome  
EB: i KNEW you were cool and awesome, and a hero, i knew you could bbe that  
EB: but you chose a really shitty way to go at it, and then you didn’t want to accept that it wasn’t good just because you were the one thinking of it.  
EB: its the other way around! YOU’RE good *because you do good things*, things aren’t good becauseYOU do them!  
AG: I KN8W!!!!!!!!  
AG: If y8u think I didn’t think and think a8out th8t afterwards!  
AG: I kn8w, 8kay?!  
AG: it took me a while to figure it out, especially after Lord English turned the tables on me, wow, I really felt like a moron about that one! 8ut I did!  
EB: it wasn’t about being tricked, vriska!!!!  
EB: even if it had worked the plan was bad because it did shitty things to other people!  
EB: no one was going to thank you for betraying them or their friends, that is not how it works  
EB: you mighthave won but EVEYONE ELSE would have lost, because you ABDNONED THEM. we were all fightig the same enemy and if we don’t ALL win then NO ONE wins!  
EB: i really wanted us to win together but you made it impossible.  
AG: I know.  
EB: do you really though  
AG: ...  
EB: i really wanto help you but you haveto want to be hellepd first you haveto show you KNOW you need helped ok  
EB: i miss when we were frinedd  
AG: Do you really.  
EB: a ton. :'(  
AG: Fine.  
AG: Fine!!!!!!!!  
AG: I didn’t ask for anyone else’s opinion 8ecause I knew 8etter, only it turns out I didn’t, and I thought it would 8ut it didn’t make people like me at ALL, more like the other way around, AND it failed anyway and  
AG: Maybe if I had listened to you or someone else, maybe it wouldn’t have. Maybe I’d have had a 8etter idea to implement instead. 8ut I was stupid and dum8 and didn’t even try to ask! 8ecause I wanted you to think I was awesome and not a losing loser who needs her dum8 hand held like a wiggler!  
AG: And it could have worked, it SHOULD have worked, and it didn’t and that’s not FAIR!!!!!!!!  
AG: 8ut that means I was wrong even when I can’t see how! And it means I really do need someone else to tell me how!  
AG: IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH????????  
EB: mmm  
EB: yeah.  
EB: its starnge i feel btter now  
EB: well, still weirdand wrong but  
EB: :)  
EB: how soon can you come over?  
AG: Just like that?  
EB: just like that! soooooooo? :D  
AG: Oh.  
AG: I’m leaving str8 away.  
AG: Sit down somewhere and w8, I’ll find you. With the trail of destruction it looks like you’ve left, it shouldn’t 8e hard at all.  
EB: haha k  
EB: i did leave a nice trail.  
EB: i still reserve the right to scowl at you a lot if you do more dum8 things mind  
EB: but i like you a lot and i think youll feel better when …like, eventually idk  
EB: brain ouch.  
EB: but like, even if you get all roarrrrrr im too good to ask for opinionsssss again so long as later youre like ok that was dumb and wrong how do we fix it then i will still like you  
EB: but not if you just say it and don’t think it at all and you don’t do the sorry things, okay, i can tell the difference!  
EB: but if you really think you want to try then i will be here and i will help you as much as i can because you can be really awesome and i really want to see you become that full time instead of in between asshole vriska times.  
AG: I get it, I get it! Stop spamming me with your come-ons, Jegus, John! You’re so em8arrassing, I can’t 8elieve it.  
AG: I’m already going str8 to your very own hive after you had a massive freak-out over a dum8 wigglerish dream, what more do you want?!?!?!?!  
EB: bluh, sorry.  
EB: it just helps having someone else to concentrate on, you know?  
EB: i really, really don’t want to think about my own self right now.  
EB: just...  
EB: it’s better if i just think about being happy about you?  
AG: Oh my GOD.  
AG: You’re shameless!  
AG: Listen, I’m at the stairs. I’m coming up. You had 8ETTER not 8ite.  
AG: Or kick or throw masonry or anything. Now shush and, I don’t know, what’s the usual advice in these situations, concentr8 on your 8reathing maybe????????  
EB: sounds legit. :B  
AG: I’d like to see you do any 8etter, you doofus.

– arachnidsGrip [AG] stopped trolling ectoBiologist [EB] –  
– arachnidsGrip [AG] started trolling ectoBiologist [EB] –

AG: Oh and the second I’m up there I’m erasing your logs.  
EB: what? why?  
AG: 8ecause. 

– arachnidsGrip [AG] stopped trolling ectoBiologist [EB] –  
– arachnidsGrip [AG] started trolling ectoBiologist [EB] –

AG: <>  
EB: :?  
AG: I’m coming in.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Side B [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8737588) by [Opalsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong)




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